Ants

About a year ago Ashley, my best friend, and I were viciously torn apart. Sort of. Ashley got accepted to a graduate school in a different state and left me. Although, in her defense, she did offer to let me quit my job and move with her to Idaho. I have a policy about Idaho. There are some states which have a certain ring to them, they just sound cool. New York. If you tell someone you live in New York you will automatically get cool person points. I feel that California, Florida, or Washington DC will have the same effect. Conversely, I feel there are a few states which automatically sap cool person points. . . such as Idaho. So I selfishly kept my job, cried, and didn't move to Idaho.

One thing I love about Ashley is that she Always has crazy stories to tell. One such story was the story of the ants. First of all I feel I should preface this by saying there are two types of people in the world: Type A and Type B. Type A people are the high-stress, I go jogging at 4am so I can shower and be at work by 7, let-me-put-that-in-my-daily-planner, I wear fitted suits and brand name shoes type of people. Type B people are I don't believe in mornings, I eat my ice-cream out of the carton with a fork (because all the spoons were dirty), the last time I wore make-up was five months ago, the floor is my closet kind of people. *This is putting things VERY drastically, most people are a mix of Type A and Type B, I just wanted to give you an idea of the disparity between the types.

Ashley is a Type B. Definitively.



The reason this information is important is so that you will be able to understand why Ashley called me up and told me the latest drama in her life. . . Most girls have drama in their lives that includes boys, or hair dryers, or hard school assignments. Ashely's latest dilemma was that a colony of ants had moved into her laptop.

You may ask WHY the ants had chosen a strange technological wonder as their homely abode? This is where the Type B personality traits come into play. Ashley, along with a lot of other people in the world, likes to eat food while she works on her computer. I've done this before. Definitely I've written papers one handed while I held a PB&J in the other hand, or cleaned off greasy keyboard keys after doing Google searches while multitasking (by eating nachos). —Point of the story: crumbs got in Ashley's laptop --> ants eat crumbs --> the ants moved into Ashley's laptop.

The drama with the ants eventually went away. Ashley's laptop became insect free and maybe she became more careful about eating crummy food and watching YouTube videos. This experience also implanted a deep dislike for ants within Ashley's being.

A few weeks later Ashley called me again. This time the ants were not in her laptop, they were crawling across the kitchen floor. Ashley is a bit of a procrastinator. For those people who are Type A personality types and don't know what this means, let me explain. Procrastinating is when you have something that you need to do—and then you don't do it. Instead of doing your reading assignment a week in advance and turning in your book report before your professor asks for it (Type A people do this, I know, I was one in college), the procrastinator waits until the last day, and then they do everything they can think of all day EXCEPT for doing their reading assignment.

Ashely is a pro procrastinator. She called me up to tell me she had spent a productive afternoon sitting on her kitchen floor squishing ants with her thumb. If they crawled across the floor, their lives ended. This reduced the insect population by a little bit, kept her from doing her homework assignment, and let her feel productive all at the same time. —that is why she is a pro.

After a third of the ant colony was single-handedly destroyed you would think the ants would be through with Ashley. But alas, they return one more time.

One early morning while Ashley was in class she found an ant wandering across the table top. What a strange place to find a lone ant. The girl next to her also noticed the ant and they were silently amused together that it had somehow ended up on the table of a college class.

Then a second ant appeared.

What are the odds that two ants would wander into the classroom and climb up onto the table? Where did they even come from?

You have probably already guessed the answer:

Ashley's laptop.

To save herself from being socially ostracize Ashley spent the rest of her class trying to furtively wipe ants off of her desk without her classmates noticing.

 The point of this story: being a type B personality is a good thing because it provides endless entertainment and adventure in life.