Grocery Store Lines

I am a judgmental person. And because of this I figure that most other people in the universe are judgmental as well. Part of this, in theory, is caused because of my choosing to major in English. English professors are snobs about learning and analyzing things. So naturally I figure I have caught part of the same illness. I like to think that I am more aware of social stigmas and archetypes than most people.Which obviously means I can function on a higher level then those who simply feed into popular expectations. Right?

In my normal daily tasks I will sometimes stop and wonder how people are perceiving me. I think about it when I go to the mall in sweats and a messy pony tail. I think about it when I wear high heels and a semi-formal dress to buy cookies from a store before going to a party. I think about it when I remember that I have never in my life had a pedicure. I think about it when I walk down a city street and remember that in my childhood I used to walk barefoot through weedy hills and milk goats. I think about it when people introduce themselves to me in a new class and they literally know nothing about me.

I can wear a lot of hats: The student. The farm girl. The roommate who locked herself out of the apartment last week. The girl checking out books at the library. The flirtatious girl with a big smile. The girl who sings along to the songs playing in the background at the grocery store. –Because I am comfortable doing things that don't conform with typical social behavior I like to think about myself as unaffected. However I think I may just be too lazy to care what people think. Or, more accurately, too lazy to change even when I know what people think of me.

A favorite exercise of mine is to judge myself when I check out at the grocery store – or, rather, guess how the cashier would judge me. It is like a game. On the days when I buy lettuce and tomatoes and whole wheat bread I win at being healthy and nutritionally minded. In my head the cashier is SO impressed. 

On days when I replenish my chocolate chip supply, buy sugar, and splurge on potato chips… I figure they think I am unhealthy and probably a couch potato. Which means I loose.

Then I start wondering where they would put me in life. Do I look like a college student? A young mother? A working woman? A teenager buying groceries for their mom? Then I want to pick a scenario and play it out. Then I think if I'm good at it I should go into acting. Then I think of myself as a famous actress. Then I remember that I'm in a grocery store staring at tomatoes.